Thomas Merton, in a collection of essays called Disputed Questions, includes a reflection of some sort on solitude. In the essay “Notes for a Philosophy of Solitude” Merton offers a critique of the many fictions men believe in order to mask their loneliness or their solitude. One of the examples he gives is how the solitary recognizes the loneliness one has that is often explained away by others’ beliefs that they are part of something much larger, such as when a nation wins a war, they celebrate collectively in that fact, or the massive cheering at sporting events and the intensity that it may entail.
On a very concrete level, I agree with Merton’s assertion that we as people have theses fictions that enable us to explain away our loneliness. I think it allows for one to see clearly the many myths and false truths society has to justify things such as violence. This is not only useful but necessary if one is to try and live nonviolently. However on another level, part of me is made very uncomfortable by Merton’s very distinct assertions of man’s loneliness and the folly of collective celebration or mourning. While I certainly have not grasped all of Merton’s deep and rich philosophical understandings of solitude, I have been able to internalize it in some way and what I have found is a very disturbing participation in society’s fictions. For me, it is with the Chicago Cubs.
Some friends observed very intense responses to the Cubs playoff games. Yelling, anger, symbolic and violent body movement are all representative of the frustrations and heartbreak of a hope-filled Cubs fan. For me, I very seldom become so intense about a sporting event anymore. Part of my process or pilgrimage in nonviolence has been to filter out the aggressive competitive nature that was unhealthy and violent from my past as an athlete. It still remains something I think about often – what does nonviolent competition look like? Are certain sports by nature violent and should not be practiced (boxing, rugby, etc.)? But at a deeper level, I still love to engage in athletic competition and enjoy watching others do it, but when my reactions become rooted in such seemingly violent frustrations and reactions when a bad call is made or “my team” loses, I am participating in Merton’s fiction.
So I am faced with a very troubling situation: I love baseball and the Chicago Cubs but I easily become sucked into the pseudo-mob mentality and experience sadness and gladness for something of which I do not, in all reality, participate in at all. So to clear myself of tendencies for violent reaction, do I stop watching the Cubs? I do not want to do that at all. Intellectually, I know it is just a baseball game, but the emotions and experiences I have are very real. Where do they come from – Merton’s fiction perhaps? Do I prepare myself and watch out for the tendencies in that I know may cause me to be sucked into the game too much – who I watch it with, whether I am drinking beer or not, have thought about possible outcomes ahead of time?
While to many people, the question of are intense responses (which can be coded as violence) to situations such as a baseball game merely a fiction and participation in an unreality may seem ridiculous, to me it has become an essential stage in my development in nonviolence. It is troubling because the uncomfortable nature of facing my own tendencies and leanings toward a violence that is responsive and reactive to a mere socialized love for the Chicago Cubs might be a sign of even a more hidden conditioned response or participation in violence. It also reveals the capacity for people to be violent in so many aspects of their lives that it can be overwhelming and intimidating to even think or reflect about it.
I think in many ways Merton is on to something when he speaks of loneliness and the relationship that has to violence and nonviolence. Merton says that “the loneliness of man is God’s loneliness.” I think that this loneliness that we seek to eradicate from our lives through such fictions as being part of some collective, participatory group such as Chicago Cubs fans allows a space for a capacity of violence to grow. Historically, many radical and reactionary groups have advocated for atrocious acts of violence, genocide, poverty in the name of belonging to a group. So it seems that violence flourishes most in this fictional understanding of finding one’s self or identity in a group. But when we realize that our loneliness is not something to hide from or to explain away because it is of God, our capacity for nonviolence grows as well. And then we can participate in groups, in society, as Cubs fans because our identity is not determined by whether the Cubs win or lose or how fans react to a bad call because who I am is already made known to me in my loneliness that is God.
But to live this, to experience the loneliness that nonviolence and God conjure is an entirely different thing. It is something that I am not ready to fully dive into out of fear that I may lose who I am, but perhaps that is joy of losing one’s life to save it. The fear is very real of not knowing who I might become when my loneliness and nonviolence is embraced. Will I not like baseball anymore? Will I not watch the Cubs? How will my relationships change? All of these questions are very real to me but perhaps they are just one more social fiction intended to keep us violent and out of the nonviolent loneliness of God. I do not know, I hope to one day know, and will try to cheer for the Cubs but not allow the violence of the group to dictate who I am!
A teacher offered this to me:
DEEPLY SYMBOLIC OF AN ENTIRE PARADIGM.
IS THERE A THIRD WAY? IS IT POSSIBLE TO RECLAIM THE FUNDAMENTAL “DIVINE LONELINESS,” THE BELONGING THAT DOES NOT DEPEND ON THE FICTIONS OF WHAT MERTON ELSEWHERE CALLS THE “SOCIAL WOMB” (IN “RAIN AND THE RHINOCEROS” AND “THE TIME OF THE END IS THE TIME OF NO ROOM,” BOTH IN RAIDS ON THE UNSPEAKABLE).
A FRIEND OF MINE, JANET WEIL, LOVES BASEBALL (THE SF GIANTS VARIETY). SHE HAS A WHOLE MEDITATION ON ITS CENTRAL PREOCCUPATION WITH “COMING HOME SAFE.” MAYBE THAT’S WHERE WE START WITH THIS…!
HERES HER VIDEO:
http://www.rainonline.org/video/comingHome.mov
No comments:
Post a Comment